Alyssa Milano decided to inject herself into Elon Musk’s spotlight, and it’s not going well. According to our sources, the actress has lost more than $13 million so far and there’s little to no chance of that number going down anytime soon.
Financial experts estimate that Milano’s net worth, which was $10 million before the debacle, probably hasn’t changed but her future prospects and income have been damaged substantially. “SWhe lost the Who’s the Boss reboot,” said money expert Joe Barron, “that alone cost her nearly $9 million.”
Other huge losses include the lawsuit over her scorched Volkswagon, which took out a neighboring Prius and blocked traffic in and out of a posh Soho neighborhood for hours, and her $150K annual salary from Unicef. The organization dumped her for being “too unstable.”
Milano’s spokesman, Joe Barron, says she’s not too concerned with how much this is costing her since it’s “mostly just money on paper that doesn’t really affect her.” Whether that means she doesn’t feel she needs the $13 million or that the entire story is a bogus pile of shite still remains to be seen.
Fortunately, for the purposes of this fact-check, we can say with absolute certainty that the story is true.
*The facts and statistics may have been altered slightly to support the reporter’s conclusions.